A highly (over) qualified communications professional, with a love for crafting businesses, technology, and science stories for whoever needs to hear them. From investors to clients, and students to educators - everyone has their own perception of value, no matter how complicated the concept.

How are you explaining your ideas?


Curriculum Vitae

 

EDUCATION

 

PhD, Medical Genetics: "Someone told me this would be a good idea and I didn't know any better, turns out PhDs are fairly taxing, and way too many people think you're overqualified whilst still being hopelessly naive," 2017

I learned how to learn

 

BSc (Hons I), Biological Sciences with a Year in Australia (Where I Met A Boy), 2011

I learned how to cry quietly in libraries

 

EMPLOYMENT HISTORY

Communications Manager: An Engineering Consultancy, 2017-18

  • Tolerating a workplace which fails to recognise the significance of tea and toast 
  • Learning that most business buzzwords started out with legitimate meaning, but even people who routinely use these buzzwords can actually explain it

Sometimes work won't make you cry

 

Optimistic Online Content Editor: A National Broadcaster, 2017

  • Writing and posting fun articles about science
  • Consistently being disappointed that no one responds to fun stories about science unless they include dogs

Just add GIFs

 

Enthusiastic Communications Person: A Research Institution, 2016-17

  • Successfully limiting subject interview times to less than an hour despite the urge to take most of them out for coffee, mani-pedis, and happy hour bevvies upon finding out out how awesome they are

Transcribing is shit

 

Flustered Demonstrator: A Research Institution, 2015-16

  • Faking comprehension of concepts I had not thought about since being examined on them six years prior

Preparation time is important

 

Perplexed Administrative Manager: A Research Institution, 2012

  • Sitting at a desk for eight hours a day in sheer dumbfoundment at the backwardness of university administration systems
  • Not resigning 

Just because someone has managerial responsibilities does not mean that they have managerial skills

 

Exhausted Farm Worker: Many Many Farms, 2012

  • Picking figs, packing figs, covering grape vines, trimming grape vines, picking grapes, yelling at sheep, yelling at cows, cuddling piglets, cuddling lambs, castrating lambs, picking poop out of wool

Don't inhale the antibacterial castration powder

 

Unpaid Intern: A Professional Body, 2011

  • Strategically balancing gratitude for an opportunity to gain skills with bitterness at the extent of personal renumeration

With basic organisational skills, a $5/ day lunch budget is a $25/week grocery budget

 

Downtrodden Cleaner: A Healthcare Facility, 2008-11

  • Cultivation of self-preservation tactics, as incentivised by aggressively territorial colleagues 

You will never escape workplace politics

 

Hungover Sales Assistant: A Newsagent, 2008-2011

  • Not violently destroying the Danoz Direct TV installation
  • Limiting the volume of swears directed at the Lottery machine

Do not put yourself between a boomer and their free News Of The World history documentary DVD

 

Dancing Cleaner: Local Government, 2006

  • Development of impeccable playlist compilation skills
  • Maintaining an indifferent disposition in the face of extensive bathroom-related grossness

Cleaning pays more than retail

 

Apologetic Sales Assistant: Shoe Retailer, 2005-06

  • Repeatedly breaking land-speed records during trips to stock room, as motivated by an unhealthy fear of customer’s dissatisfaction 

Boredom is worse than busy-ness (unless it’s Christmas Eve on a Saturday)

 

 

Terrified Waitress: A Greasy Spoon, 2003

  • Consistently forgetting to bring customers’ cutlery
  • Managing mid-shift emotional breakdowns, most of which were brought on by unfailing ability to memorise table numbers

It’s OK to quit something you hate (lol jk, that one didn’t sink in until at least 10 years later)

 

Business Owner and Car Cleaner: The Squeaky Squeaks, 2001

  • Providing low-to-mid quality car-cleaning services to successfully guilt-tripped family members
 

People pay you more when you’re related to them